The following is a test post done entirely from my cell phone telephone. I'm not deleting it because...uhh...because I said so. Also you can get a blurry phone-camera look at my apartment. Or at least the view from my chair.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
On Test Posts
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
On Fear
Oh dear sweet God...I knew my instinctual fear of the police was a healthy one.
http://news.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/04/14/193217&from=rss
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1C1GGLS_enUS311US311&q=police+high+iq+discrimination&btnG=Search
http://news.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/04/14/193217&from=rss
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1C1GGLS_enUS311US311&q=police+high+iq+discrimination&btnG=Search
Monday, April 13, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
On Misdirection
It's been a while since I've posted anything of substance, so here's some angsty bullshit for you:
There's really no point in asking if you've ever felt your life lacked direction. Hell, when I spoke about these things years ago, the consoling words of wisdom I got from my mother were, "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up." But it's not a pressing issue. I'm not concerned that there's some grand scheme for my existence that I'm failing to fulfill by sitting around my apartment. Just feels like I should be doing something.
Apologies, I've got a funny feeling this is going to turn into a stream-of-consciousness type post.
I decided to go for a walk last night. I'm so unaccustomed to exercise that the endorphin high from even minimal exertion is very calming. I generally find clarity and peace-of-mind when I just go for a stroll around campus. The only conclusion I can really come to is that I should just keep at it. I have dreams. They're attainable ones too. Just keep on the path and work towards them little bits at a time. What dreams? Patience, dear reader.
Next week, in short, is going to suck balls. Giant balls. South Asian (Indian) philosophy exam, followed by a vocabulary quiz in Japanese on Monday. Brief reprieve Tuesday, followed by a Japanese composition due Wednesday. Thursday's the due date for the second Modern philosophy paper (obviously I haven't done any of the reading), followed shortly by the second Epistemology paper, due Friday (also subject to willful illiteracy). Then I get a week to take the last paper in modern Political Theory seriously. When last we met in earnest, I was working on a three-paper gauntlet. This should be easier, but only just.
I've taken to meeting with a crew of interesting characters, with which I play the "Dungeons and Dragons" (and other similar games of the role playing genre), on Sundays. It's become quite the enjoyable experience in the last few weeks. I find myself looking forward to Sunday afternoons all week, then regretting the experience Monday morning when I attempt to get to class on time after staying up until about 3 AM. You can see how this presents a problem for an examination on Monday...
Now, watch me jump topics again
My problem with papercraft is that it comes so naturally to me. Does that assume my models have some quality others do not? Yes it does. Watch me gloat even more: Go check out my build of Ninjatoes' latest Cloud model. Then check out his finished build. The difference? I changed the tab layout, as per my general methodology on tab placement (i.e. tabs go from lower piece to upper piece). Now, apparently I also built this at some marvelous speed (see comments). I don't know how that happened. I always thought I was kind of a slow builder, but apparently not. That's probably just lack of alternative distraction.
Anyway, the problem is, I really don't have that much experience with this stuff, but I seem to show some natural affinity for it. Here's the secret: I show the same natural affinity for everything I do. You know those papers I half-assed? B, B+, A. Didn't read the material. I do this with everything. If I have even the slightest adoration for something, or am forced to go about accomplishing a task, I'll blow my contemporaries out of the water with minimal effort. Why? Well that's one of those grand mysteries...
Am I saying I'm simply better than everyone I've ever met? Not even a little. You see, the problem is, I have no motivation to really do anything. The sum of all my actions is simply the desire to avoid boredom. Honestly, I fear true boredom even more than death. If I were to die, it would all simply go black, like a permanent, dreamless sleep (yeah, it should be growing more and more obvious that I don't buy the "afterlife" claims of so many religions). Sleep is quite relaxing. Boredom is maddening. I have so few goals, and they're so dissheveled as to be vague to an extremity. I've never really given anything "everything I've got." I'm beginning to worry what will happen when I find something I really want to "give my all." Will the world stop spinning? Or more frighteningly (no, world destruction isn't the scariest option), will I come up short? As long as I'm not really trying, I can call myself a slacker, a waste of potential, etc. The moment I really try my best, and fail, I'll know for certain that I'm not all I bill myself as.
I've never understood people who put anything beyond themselves. "Out of reach". That concept just doesn't register in my mind. Even since childhood, I've always beleieved that, with enough time, I'm capable of absolutely anything (except maybe becoming an astronaut...I'm legally blind, you know).
But therein lies the problem: I know what I want. I know very clearly what I want, and I have a very simple, easy plan to get it. But still, as little effort and motivation as it requires, I find myself dragging my feet. How is it that you can know precisely what you want to be able to say you accomplished in your short span, know precisely where to find said accomplishment, and still not simply get up and grab it?
So I feel I've rambled enough for now, so I'll give you a concluding point. Don't mistake it for anything solid. This next exam in South Asian philosophy is going to include Buddhism, so I've been listening to a lot of "all is flux" (a concept with which I agree) recently. But "what is it you want so much," you might ask?
Before I die, I want to author a great work of fiction.
I'll leave you with that for now.
There's really no point in asking if you've ever felt your life lacked direction. Hell, when I spoke about these things years ago, the consoling words of wisdom I got from my mother were, "I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up." But it's not a pressing issue. I'm not concerned that there's some grand scheme for my existence that I'm failing to fulfill by sitting around my apartment. Just feels like I should be doing something.
Apologies, I've got a funny feeling this is going to turn into a stream-of-consciousness type post.
I decided to go for a walk last night. I'm so unaccustomed to exercise that the endorphin high from even minimal exertion is very calming. I generally find clarity and peace-of-mind when I just go for a stroll around campus. The only conclusion I can really come to is that I should just keep at it. I have dreams. They're attainable ones too. Just keep on the path and work towards them little bits at a time. What dreams? Patience, dear reader.
Next week, in short, is going to suck balls. Giant balls. South Asian (Indian) philosophy exam, followed by a vocabulary quiz in Japanese on Monday. Brief reprieve Tuesday, followed by a Japanese composition due Wednesday. Thursday's the due date for the second Modern philosophy paper (obviously I haven't done any of the reading), followed shortly by the second Epistemology paper, due Friday (also subject to willful illiteracy). Then I get a week to take the last paper in modern Political Theory seriously. When last we met in earnest, I was working on a three-paper gauntlet. This should be easier, but only just.
I've taken to meeting with a crew of interesting characters, with which I play the "Dungeons and Dragons" (and other similar games of the role playing genre), on Sundays. It's become quite the enjoyable experience in the last few weeks. I find myself looking forward to Sunday afternoons all week, then regretting the experience Monday morning when I attempt to get to class on time after staying up until about 3 AM. You can see how this presents a problem for an examination on Monday...
Now, watch me jump topics again
My problem with papercraft is that it comes so naturally to me. Does that assume my models have some quality others do not? Yes it does. Watch me gloat even more: Go check out my build of Ninjatoes' latest Cloud model. Then check out his finished build. The difference? I changed the tab layout, as per my general methodology on tab placement (i.e. tabs go from lower piece to upper piece). Now, apparently I also built this at some marvelous speed (see comments). I don't know how that happened. I always thought I was kind of a slow builder, but apparently not. That's probably just lack of alternative distraction.
Anyway, the problem is, I really don't have that much experience with this stuff, but I seem to show some natural affinity for it. Here's the secret: I show the same natural affinity for everything I do. You know those papers I half-assed? B, B+, A. Didn't read the material. I do this with everything. If I have even the slightest adoration for something, or am forced to go about accomplishing a task, I'll blow my contemporaries out of the water with minimal effort. Why? Well that's one of those grand mysteries...
Am I saying I'm simply better than everyone I've ever met? Not even a little. You see, the problem is, I have no motivation to really do anything. The sum of all my actions is simply the desire to avoid boredom. Honestly, I fear true boredom even more than death. If I were to die, it would all simply go black, like a permanent, dreamless sleep (yeah, it should be growing more and more obvious that I don't buy the "afterlife" claims of so many religions). Sleep is quite relaxing. Boredom is maddening. I have so few goals, and they're so dissheveled as to be vague to an extremity. I've never really given anything "everything I've got." I'm beginning to worry what will happen when I find something I really want to "give my all." Will the world stop spinning? Or more frighteningly (no, world destruction isn't the scariest option), will I come up short? As long as I'm not really trying, I can call myself a slacker, a waste of potential, etc. The moment I really try my best, and fail, I'll know for certain that I'm not all I bill myself as.
I've never understood people who put anything beyond themselves. "Out of reach". That concept just doesn't register in my mind. Even since childhood, I've always beleieved that, with enough time, I'm capable of absolutely anything (except maybe becoming an astronaut...I'm legally blind, you know).
But therein lies the problem: I know what I want. I know very clearly what I want, and I have a very simple, easy plan to get it. But still, as little effort and motivation as it requires, I find myself dragging my feet. How is it that you can know precisely what you want to be able to say you accomplished in your short span, know precisely where to find said accomplishment, and still not simply get up and grab it?
So I feel I've rambled enough for now, so I'll give you a concluding point. Don't mistake it for anything solid. This next exam in South Asian philosophy is going to include Buddhism, so I've been listening to a lot of "all is flux" (a concept with which I agree) recently. But "what is it you want so much," you might ask?
Before I die, I want to author a great work of fiction.
I'll leave you with that for now.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
On CADIE
Well we've got two choices, really. Resist or welcome. And you know what they say about resistance...
http://cadiesingularity.blogspot.com/
also good
this too
http://cadiesingularity.blogspot.com/
also good
this too
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